10 Best Techniques to Avoiding Stinktastic Odors on BART:

it’s inevitable

when you’re least expecting it…WHAM!  A stink known only to humans…

…as that of other live un-bathed humans…hits you upside your head and your only wish is that it lay you out completely

it doesn’t

& you endure your BART trip in fully conscious olfactory misery.

Or not.  Read on & thank me later:

1. Nose plugs

not a great look.

2. Mouth Breathing

yes you’ll have serious dry mouth.

3. Relocate

4. Polite Remarks

make one at the risk of having a stink curse put on you and your descendents throughout all of eternity…heard it with my own eyes!

5. Smart Remarks

make one at the risk of being stabbed…with or without health insurance, better than a curse.

6. Happy Places

go to yours…the one that smells like PB&J or cake…anything other than butt.

7. Mind-Power Harnessing

that’s right…harness the power of your mind and make the maloderous offender move (…size matters — is your brain bigger than Stinky?).

8. Hold your breath

once you pass out you won’t care what it smells like.

9. Exhale…Hard

breathe out really hard…you’ll move the bad smells away from you intermittently.  Trust me; even a minute reprieve is better than non-stop stink any day.

10. Scented Sachets

make & carry a sachet with you at all times.  Dangle it from a string tied around your forehead so that it stops right under your nose.  Voila!  Problem solved.

Well, it’s later — feel free to thank me by leaving any additional techniques I left out.